John Burls

Alphabetical List of John Burls Plays

ONE-ACT PLAYS
A Different View
Altered Egos
A Natural Way to Die
Barney
Be of Good Hope
Breaking Up is Greasy
Buds and Blooms
Daddy Please Daddy
Dead Funny
Deceit
Double Take - The Ajax Miracle
The Earnestness of Being Important
Holiday Hades
In Place of Judy Dench
I've Got a Visitor
Lenny and Lee
Let Them Eat Cake
McGarrity Morgan
Mail v Female
Mourning Tea
One Day Maybe
Our American Cousins
Out on a Limb
Plaything
Plot Flaw
Potter is Mine
Pre Stuff
Roag's Gallery
Sarina
Second Choice
Single Minded
Stuff
Tenth Anniversary
The Bus Jumper
The Client
The Nobody
Turn of the Toad
You Must Meet the Folks

FULL LENGTH PLAYS
Bangers 'n' Mash
Dead Funny (3 one-acts)
Farting About in Make-up
Ideas Pool
Nesbitt for President
Oh Brother!
Parliamentary Privilege
Perfect One Day
President Elect
Quo Vadis Nights
TV Signals
The Big Silence
The Writer


MUSICALS
Bronhill
Bronhill Encore
Exactly Like You
Hart - the Musical
Nancy
The Firm

KIDSTUFF
Adventure on Treasure Island
Elsie and the Flim Flam Puppies
Just Everingham
Meet Bongo
Short pieces for children

PANTOMIMES
Alice in Wonderland
Cinderella
Hansel and Gretel
Peter Pan
Robin Hood
The Wizard of Oz

Fee Structure

FEE STRUCTURE
as from January 2005
Script fee entitles you to photocopy scripts for your production use


ONE-ACT PLAYS
CATEGORY 1A
Per performance $30
+ $20 script fee

CATEGORY 1B
Per performance $25
+ $20 script fee

FULL-LENGTH PLAYS
CATEGORY 2A
Per performance $80
+ $30 script fee

CATEGORY 2B
Per performance $60
+ $30 script fee

CHILDREN'S PLAYS
CATEGORY 3A
Per performance $25
+ $20 script fee

CATEGORY 3B
Per performance $50
+ $30 script fee

MUSICALS, THEATRE RESTAURANT AND REVUE
CATEGORY FEE AT END OF EACH SYNOPSIS
Script fees as above (1act $20, full length $30)

SPECIAL FESTIVAL PRICE
$15 per festival
This rate applies to any John Burls one-act play performed in any festival in Australia if you have performed that play in a recent one-act season.

HOW TO CALCULATE YOUR ROYALTY FEE
e.g. 1A play for 6 nights

6 perf. @ $30 $180
Script fee 20
2 fest perf @ $15 30

TOTAL $230


DO 3 AND SAVE
Do 3 1A scripts on the one programme and reduce your total royalties to $80 per performance OR mix category 1A and 1B scripts and reduce each play by $5 per performance (+ $30 script fee).

READ AND RETURN FREE
Read and return free makes it easy and inexpensive (just the postage if they're back by the due date) to select your next one-act season.

Call Carol on (07)5472.8200
e-mail - johncarol@gotalk.net.au

AUTHOR'S INTENT
Directors - Remember that, should you select a John Burls play for your next production and you wish to discuss any aspect of the play with the writer, that this gives you the opportunity to fully understand the author's intent, should there be any areas open for interpretation.
We are always delighted to talk with theatre groups and to help in any way.

Musicals

EXACTLY LIKE YOU
9 + chorus if desired
(4m, 4f, 1 small dancing girl)
1m (20S), 2m (50S), 1m (30-40), 1f (20S), 2f (25-35), 1f (50S), 1girl
The Marchbank family business, International Gussets, hires a dispatch clerk, "new" Jim Grindley, on the same day that the bank is threatening to close the company down.
Jim is to replace Marchbank's son Denton, whose inept handling of dispatch has caused a rash of complaints.
Marchbank Snr. solves this by creating a complaints department and putting Denton in charge. The thick plottens when personal secretary Fiona Whitby has a huge crush on Francis Q, "new" Jim has a crush on Fiona, Sally on "new" Jim, Anthea on Denton and Dewsbury and Miss Tweedle have a crush on each other.
Exactly Like You has a plot which is paper thin, is not deep and meaningful and is intended only to entertain - like shows used to .... (2A + APRA)

HART - THE MUSICAL
Book by John Burls
Music and lyrics by Tim Rogers (You Am I) and Barry Forrester (multi award Tamworth songwriting winner)
The story of William S. Hart, Shakespearian actor, Broadway star and silent movie star.
William S. Hart was the actor-director who changed the face of Hollywood westerns forever. He was as big a star as Mary Pickford and Douglas Fairbanks.
This musical was staged to critical acclaim in 1998 and had a very successful three week run with a revival season by the same company in July 2004 enjoying the same acclaim.
Its music is exceptional and bright and the story is sheer "feel good". (10% gross)

NANCY
A musical biography of Australia's best UNKNOWN star.
Nancy Brown-Arlen is best known as a co-writer of the musical The Sentimental Bloke but for over two decades she held English audiences spellbound.
Nancy Brown starred in Noel Coward's American production of Bitter Sweet, appeared in the film Maid of the Mountains, in countless major stage musicals, as Principal Boy each year in the panto season, with Richard Tauber in Old Chelsea which ran for two years and toured with her own one-person show.
She had romances with many leading names including Paul Robeson and her story is a sheer delight with 34 top musical highlights from the shows and includes a short panto segment.
The story of Nancy is that of a remarkable, Brisbane born, Australian and the show set new box-office records at its debut season. It was so much in demand a reprise season was staged in the latter part of 2002 with full houses all over again. (Director also available) (10% gross + APRA)

THE FIRM
The musical biography of JC Williamson's Theatres from the arrival in Australia of James Cassius Williamson with the sole rights to all G & S productions, to the last great triumph - the revival of Irene, starring Julie Anthony.
Packed with wonderful cameo characters and the cream of 100 years of musical production numbers.
From Broadway to Opera, from the West End to Europe, the stars, the hits all paraded in one dazzling show.
This show was a huge hit at its premiere season. (10% gross + APRA)

Plays for Young People

THE AMAZING ADVENTURES OF RED RIDING HOOD
A musical for young people. Red Riding Hood is joined by BB Wooluff, the prince, Digby and Woodcutter, Jack, Zig and Zag and Pepperoni Pizza - all on the way to Grandma's house. (3A)

ELSIE AND THE FLIM FLAM PUPPIES
4 boys, 4 girls - (suit 10-16 yo)
Winner Best Play, Best script, Best Director, Best Actress, Best Actor Sunshine Coast Junior Dramafest 2002
When the children arrive home from school to find Elsie (the blue Heeler) practicing the scales in readiness for the school musical, they have bad news. The production is off. But Elsie (alias the family minder) has a contact in the city who runs a theatre and so the children, all intent on becoming stage stars, head off for the big smoke.
On their way they're joined by an out of work Station Master and Mandy the Model, on her way to seek fame and fortune. The theatre has a crisis and the children fill in with great success, finishing the show with a solo with chorus number that brings the house down.
Stardom achieved, they head back home for dinner. (3A)

JUST EVERINGHAM
3 boys, 5 girls (12-14 yo)
Winner Best Play, Best Director, Best Script Sunshine Coast Junior Dramafest 2001
Jane lives on an isolated outback homestead and it's her 14th birthday. Her party will be dinner with Mum and Dad and brother Nick but she wishes to have a party with young friends. Suddenly they materialise and are a wierd and wacky bunch of characters. (3A)

JUST EVERINGHAM
6 girls (6-14 yo)
Winner Best Supporting Actress, Festival Bursary Sunshine Coast Junior Dramafest 2005
Play rewritten for a slightly younger, all girl cast. (3A)

SHORT PIECES FOR CHILDREN
The Frog in the Dog
Storyteller, Olivia, Fred the dog, Robber

The Adventure on Treasure Island
Storyteller, Niceguy, Goodeye, Long John, Horrible Horace, Ben, Jim, Tiffany. (neg)

Two-Act Plays

Full length plays which have been successfully produced - Fee Code 2A

FARTING ABOUT IN MAKE-UP
Comedy-drama-song - 4 (2m, 2f)
A dress-up (possibly evening dress) style of shows. A potpourri of things of the theatre, actors and acting.
Anecdotes enacted in dialogue, facts (but never dry), legends, monologues, a few songs and who did what to whom.
Funny, sad, intelligent - at times wacky - and written to suit a fast pace. The title comes from a quote by Peter O'Toole who said, "acting is just farting about in make-up".
Ideally suited to two mature males, one mature female and one less mature female.
A very different entertainment in two acts, approx. 40 minutes per half.

THE GREAT DIVIDE (now titled DEAD FUNNY)
SECOND CHOICE - 4f
2f (30-50) 1 mother, 1 sister
YOU MUST MEET THE FOLKS - 6 (5f, 1m)
(same as Second Choice + m (30-50)
DEAD FUNNY - 6 (same + dummy)
3 new plays which played together, make a full-length comedy programme.
Dead Funny was Best Overall Play at 2001 Dramafest, also Best New Australian Play, Best Director, Best Actress in a supporting role and an Adjudicator's Award.
In the 2001 STAR Awards it won Best One-act Play and Best Director and The Great Divide took out Best Leading Actress and Best Supporting Actress (the one person) Best Supporting Actor and Best New Script.

THE IDEAS POOL
Comedy-drama-murder mystery - 7 (4m, 3f)
3m (50s), 1m (30s, 3f (25-35)
Part 3 of media trilogy
The Ideas Pool is set in an advertising agency controlled by one man, Henry Travers.
When Henry is found dead, floating in a giant spa, it seems obvious that the death is accidental but the joy of agency employees on hearing the news, starts to worry police investigating the incident.
The Ideas Pool scrapes away much of the gloss of the ad game and offers solid opportunities for ensemble work.

PARLIAMENTARY PRIVILEGE
Drama - 7 (6m, 1f)
3m (over 50), 1f (to match), 3m (over 30)
Written during the Queensland Theatre Company's '99 MNasterclass for Playwrights, Parliamentary Privilege is a taut drama about an Australian soldier, tried for treason for broadcasting propaganda for the enemy and, who later was embroiled, quite innocently, in broadcasting advertisements for a pyramid selling scheme which left a trail of duped people. The Government disowned him and tried to break him after the war but didn't succeed. It took another ten years and a further scandal to crush him.

PRESIDENT ELECT
Comedy-drama - 6 (3m. 2f, 1 any)
3m (50s), 2f (30-40), 1m or f (any)
Set in the future, the Republic of Australia is about to appoint its first President. But who elects the President? The people? The media? The Government? Or all three?
Dombril Loggett is plucked from obscurity to become a football played deftly by the media, fielded by the Government and finally kicked into the presidential goal by the people.
President Elect has nearly as many twists, turns and farcical situations as there are in real Government. The play was written in 1994 but is now very timely.

QUO VADIS NIGHTS
Drama-comedy - 8 (3m, 5f)
3m (over 30), 3f (over 25), 2f (over 30)
The Quo Vadis Night Club, after a series of unforeseen expenses, is about to spin down the gurgler when an angel comes to the rescue.
One of the World's great singing stars is suddenly available for a short season. Miraculously, Paul Ducaire finds he has the deposit for the contract but there's no money left to pay the bills to keep Quo Vadis open in the meantime.
This very black comedy soars and dips, twists and turns before leaving the audience with one last laughter-filled punch to the solar plexus.

TV SIGNALS
Drama-comedy - 6 (3m, 3f)
2m (50s), 1m (30-40), 1f (30-4-), 2f (mid 20s)
Part 2 of media trilogy
Set in the mythical BAM TV Network, TV Signals charts the rise of Clare Champion to executive status and her moves to wipe out a current affairs show host.
Fast-paced and still topical, this play comes complete with station breaks video, played in each blackout which links each scene.
A format for a programme printed as a TV Guide style magazine is also included and can be adapted for local use.
This play was on the initial shortlist for the Courier Mail-Landen Dann Award, winner of 5 1994 Noosa Golden Palm Awards.
"pick of the week" by Des Partridge - Courier Mail, May 1994.


As yet unproduced full-length plays - Fee Code 2B

OH BROTHER!
Comedy-drama - 8 (6m, 2f)
2m (about 60), 2m (30-50, 2m (small roles, 1f (mid 20s), 1f (under 20)
One brother attains easy success as a top TV personality, the other achieves success by sheer hard work. Then the TV career abruptly ends. Soon after, his marriage ends too and soon after that financial ruin sets in.
That's when the hard-working brother refuses to lend a hand, gloating that the easy path is finally finished. But the career, marriage and financial problems are only a blip on the charmed life, while the hard-working brother's fortune falls into other hands.
Funny, yes - serious, yes - fast-moving, yes.

PERFECT ONE DAY
Drama - 7 (5m, 2f)
1m (40s), 1m (16-20, m (60s), 1m (30s, 1m (any), 1f (30-40), 1f (50s)
A biting, funny-sad look at what happens when a father loses his job as a newspaper editor and sells up to move interstate to a major resort town and go into the restaurant business, taking an unwilling wife and teenage son with him.
Despite themselves, this wide-apart family is drawn close together by some very real events. This play made the initial shortlist of the 1998 Queensland Theatre co-Landen Dann competition for full-length plays.

One-Act Plays

ONE ACT PLAYS - Category 1A and 1B

The following one-act plays (1A) have all been produced and most have won prizes for acting or script at Festivals. All plays conform to Festival guidelines.

A DIFFERENT VIEW
Sophisticated comedy - 5 (2m, 3f)
2m (over40), 2f(30-40), 1f (any)
A successful novelist issues a rare invitation to his wife to spend a weekend away with him at a country resort, the scene of his first novel written 25 years before.
His reverie is jolted by the appearance of his inspiration for his first novel who has also decided to re-visit. (1A)

ALMOST THERE
Comedy - 4 (1m, 3f)
Ages to suit
Remember The Secret Life of Walter Mitty? Well Biff is a bit like Walter, spends his time daydreaming to escape his wife's nagging. In fact he's on holidays from the bank and can't wait to get back to work. Then there's the hen party and he has to serve them. Is it any wonder that he kills Edna - taking aim with a deadly banana. (1B)

ALTERED EGOS
Comedy - 4 (2m, 2f)
1m, 1f (over 60), 1m, 1f (younger)
Winner Best Script and Best Actress '99 STAR Awards, placegetter '99 Sunshine Coast Dramafest, winner Best Script Townsville Festival
Part 5 of The Village People
A wonderful 4 hand comedy for more mature actors. Set in a modern retirement village, this is the story of Dillman, a widower for many years who's ready (or is he?) to pop the question to Harriette, a widow of some years.
The big night has arrived but Dillman goes chicken and the alter ego gets called into service. The same goes for Harriette. The end is a touch sad but the lead-up is packed with wallops. (1A)

A NATURAL WAY TO DIE
Black comedy - 5 (2m, 3f)
1f (over 60), 1m (30-50), 1f (30-40), 1f (over 50), 1m (30-60)
Part 4 of The Village People
When Celia and her husband Crawford decide that Celia's mother Maria should leave her retirement unit and go into hostel care, a demon is let loose. Maria seeks revenge on every member of the village who endorses the plan. (has been produced) (1B)

BARNEY
Comedy - 5 (1m, 3f, 1m or f)
3f (over 50), 1m (over 30), 1m or f (over 25)
2nd place and winner Audience Choice Award '94 National One-Act Playwriting Competition
Part 2 of The Village People
Jesse and Elvira live in a retirement village and, against the rules, both keep pets. Suddenly the secret's out and the fight to keep Barney the cat results in an evening of confrontation with the Body Corporate.
Timely, witty and warm, this play has never been to a Festival and not won at least one prize - usually many. (1A)

BE OF GOOD HOPE
Comedy - 4 (2m, 2f or 1m, 3f)
1m, 1f (over 50), 1m, 1f (or 2f)(any age)
Part 3 of The Village People
Set in a retirement village, Daniel and Miriam Hope are confined to their unit due to ill health. Their doctor suggests a hobby which they take up with zest - much to the alarm of other residents of the village.
Also written for 2 females (over 50, 1m, 1f (or 2f)(any age) (1A)

BREAKING UP IS GREASY
Comedy - 2 (1m, 1f)
1m (20s), 1f (much older)
Best new script King Street Festival 2003
About 40 minutes of good solid laughs as the mature-age heroine arrives home to pack her bags and finally say goodbye to her younger lover. He's sponged on her for years, played up behind her back and now he's faced with perhaps having to stand on his own two feet. He argues his case but loses every step of the way - whe leaves but there is, after all, a surprise ending.
An exceptional two-hander. (1A)

THE CLIENT
Comedy - 5 (1m, 2f adult, 2children)
1m (over 25), 2f (to suit), 1f (as young as possible) 1m or f (11)
Winner Best Actress in a Lead Role (under 14) for 6 year old Georgia Lee Leslie at the 2005 Sunshine Coast Theatre Festival - A really cute play and terrific showcase for a talented littlie.
It’s a very bad move to have your just ex-girlfriend remain as your secretary when your new girlfriend (and about to be fiancée) is going to come to the office.
But what could Mark Bibbilow do?
After all he couldn’t fire Rhonda because she’d bank-rolled him into his office and she fed him. Being the con that he was he might have been able to navigate these waters but then he wasn’t counting on the sudden appearance of The Client.
It would be unwise to tell you further because we don’t want to spoil it for you.

BUDS AND BLOOMS
Drama - 6 (3m, 3f) (all over 40)
Being on a small town annual flower show committee should be a nice, quiet way to spend time ... but not in Lowdonvale. The annual Buds and Blooms Show is being used as a springboard into local government and that as a springboard into state politics. Along the way some committee folk have been hopping into more than flower beds which all surfaces at the AGM. (has not been produced) (1B)

THE BUS JUMPER
Drama - 3 (2m, 1f)
1m (50s), 1f (40s), 1m (teens/early 20s)
Strong dramatic play about the last hour in the life of a daredevil stunt man about to attempt a new World record. The conflict between the manipulative father and the malleable son and the escape of the dowtrodden mother makes this a tense portrait of a deeply divided family. (1B)

DADDY PLEASE DADDY
Drama - 2 (1m, 1f)
1m (40-50), 1f (late teens/early 20s)
A taut, dramatic play, this is a game of cat and mouse that will have the audience on the edges of the seats. An isolated service station with two bodies in the back room poses the question, is it a murder-suicide or two murders? And if it's murder, who dunnit? It's a mind-game play and you won't know the answer till the last line. (1A)

DEAD FUNNY
Comedy - 6 (5f, 1m)
Dead Funny is the third act of The Great Divide (see 2A). It won Best Overall play at the Sunshine Coast TheatreFest 2001, also garnering Best New Australian Play, Best Director, Best Actress in a Supporting Role and an Adjudicator's Award. In the 2001 STAR Awards it won Best One-Act Play, Best New Script, Best Comedy, Best Actor Female and Best Director. (1A)


DECEIT
Drama - 3 (1f, 2m)
(ages to balance - the ambit is probably 25-45)
Winner Best Script and Best Actor '98 Sunshine Coast DramaFest. Best Actress, Best Actor Sandgate. Best Script, Best One-Act Play 2000 STAR Awards.
Psychological drama set in the 1800s in a city hotel. A husband appears to desert his wife, taking all their money, after running up an extensive bill. The woman is befriended by a room porter who, realising they're not married, offers to help her evade th hotel bill by going to his home. She agrees and leaves. Moments later the "husband"arrives surprising the porter with the woman's case. There are more chilling twists before the tale ends. (1A)

DOUBLE TAKE - The Ajax Miracle
Comedy - 4 (1m, 3f)
1m (over 50), 1f (over 50), 1f (over 40), 1f (any)
A grand old actor is about to release a book dedicated to the theatre which gave him his start - The Ajax.
Interviewed in the theatre by a magazine reporter, he puts his sie of the story, only to be argued against strongly by his subconscious taking on the forms of two female actors who were part of his life. It turns out all was not as pure as the book would have us believe. Does it all come out in the end? Well, er ... (has been produced) (1B)

THE EARNESTNESS OF BEING IMPORTANT (updated 2000)
Comedy - 6 (4m, 2f)
1m (over 50), 2f (over 40)
'93 runner-up National Playwriting Competition
Summary of judges' comments - "A cleverly written play which keeps the farcical elements flowing smoothly and rapidly without overstressing the points. Clever repartee which the audience will love and what great fun for those acting in it too. Beneath all the elements of farce there are so many truths which make this an excellent play". (1A)

HOLIDAY HADES
Comedy - 6 (3m, 3f)
Relative ages - father, mother, 1 married daughter, 1 single daughter (younger), 1 husband, 1 boyfriend of married daughter.
Christmas eve and the family is gathering at the parental home for a joyous Yule until Monica phones to say she's got a new boyfriend and she's bringing him. What Monica doesn't know is that her estranged husband is also coming and so begins a riotous holiday tale that's right for any time of the year. (1B)

IN PLACE OF JUDY DENCH
Drama - 3 (1m, 2f)
1m (over 60), 1f (over 60), 1f (any)
A retired actress is called at short notice for an interview show when the overseas star suddenly can't appear. But she's to share the limelight with an old vaudeville performer - a ventriloquist act. When it's announced the time is running short and only one of them can appear, they are left together in the green room and tension mounts over who it will be. The end result is macabre. (has not been produced) (1B)

I'VE GOT A VISITOR
Light comedy - 6 (3m, 3f)
Relative ages - mother, daughter, 1f (any, 3m (over 25)
A woman moves to a new house in a small village to be close to her daughter. She is thrown into a wild chain of circumstances when she discovers a man in her spare bedroom. (has been produced many times - a good "starter" play for new groups) (1B)

LENNY AND LEE
Drama - 2m (both over 30)
Very good actors needed.
Winner Best Script, Best Actor, Best Supporting Actor, Best Director '97 Dramafests, Ipswich, King Street and Sunshine Coast Festivals.
The power-charged 30 minute meeting between Australia's PT Barnum, Lee Gordon and brilliant American stand-up comic, Lenny Bruce. (1A)

LET THEM EAT CAKE
Comedy - slice of life - 4 (3f, 1m)
2f (over 60), 1f (over 30), 1m (over 30)
Part 1 of The Village People
Young marrieds, Kate and Ben, have invited their respective mothers to relocate from interstate to a nearby retirement village. The arrival and settling in period for the mothers provides a constant flow of gentle humour. (1B)

McGARRITY MORGAN
Comedy - 4 (2m, 2f)
1m (40-50), ex-wife (to suit), 1m (any, McGarrity (young and pretty)
Best Actress, Best Production (Victorian Festival)
A professor who wins a revered book award is visited by his ex-wife who scents a share of fortune and fame. But the book isn't the dry tome that the professor entered, it's a raunchy tale of a professor and a housekeeper, secretly written by his housekeeper, McGarrity Morgan. Add to this a lecherous book publisher and you have 35 minutes of twists and laughs. (1A)

MAIL v FEMALE
Comedy - 5 (2m, 1f, sm or f)
2m (over 25), 1f (over 60), 1m or f (30-40), 1m or f (any age)
Runner-up '92 National Playwriting Competition
When Australia Post decides to close down a string of post offices, its first target is a one-woman postal agency servicing a rural community. Plenty of laughs are woven into the bureaucratic boll-dozing of the local populace and the postmistress' stand is a modern "David and Goliath" story. Who wins? The answer is not a foregone conclusion. (1A)

MOURNING TEA
Black comedy - 3 (2m, 1f)
2m (over 50), 1f (over 35)
A widowed man daily decorates a memorial to his late wife. His very private tribute becomes very public when his backyard is suddenly opened to public gaze. He becomes a bizarre centre of attention and is destined to become even more of an unwilling celebrity when his wife suddenly comes to life. But this is only a momentary thing. (1A)

THE NOBODY
Black comedy - 5 (2m, 3f)
2f (30s), 1f (over 50), 2m (over 40)
Runner-up National Playwriting Competition
The subject matter is controversial, corruption in local government. The story revolves around incidents set a decade ago forced into the open by a self-appointed enquiry. There are plenty of laughs and a surprise ending. (1A)

OUR AMERICAN COUSINS
Drama - 8 (5m, 3f)
2m (25-35), 1m (over 60), 2f (20-35), 1f (teens), 2m (over 30)
Set at Christmas 1940 in a seedy city hotel room. The Yanks are in town and it's time to party. Dad invites some servicemen and their girlfriends to have drinks at his place - it's the last invitation that Dad will ever issue. Two bored Australian policemen with a resentment for American servicemen decide to tie the rope around the neck of the nearest likely lad after they discover the old man's body. (1B)

OUT ON A LIMB
Drama - 5 (3m, 2f)
1m (20-30), 1m (50s), 1m, 1f (any age), 1f (to 25)
Winner '95 National Playwriting Competition
As our freedom of speech becomes more constrained and the laws against giving offence become more constraining, we are teetering on the threshold of banning things that aren't offensive at all. This play takes a look at what could happen if we let political correctness get out of hand (and many say it already is). There are plenty of laughs and much food for thought. (1A)

PLAYTHING
Comedy - 5 (2m, 3f)
(ages any but to suit each other)
An amateur actor is invited by an admiring fan to have dinner with her sister and brother-in-law. Pre-dinner they are visited by the new next-door neighbour, a glamorous events organiser. What follows is bad news for the accident-prone actor who suddenly seems caught up in a breach of promise suit. Nothing is how it appears however. 30 minutes of laughs and a sting in the tail. (1A)

PLOT FLAW
Drama - 5 (2m, 3f)
Ages to suit
A plot flaw! Every writer's nightmare becomes a tug of war between characters and author in this "off the wall" one-acter. Who is in the script and who is writing it keeps the attention riveted on this fast-moving play. You won't guess the ending of Plot Flaw and you probably will look very suspiciously at your word processor for a long time to come. (1B)

POTTER IS MINE
Comedy - 2 (am, 1f)
Both mature
A wonderfully funny piece with some darker moments and a great vehicle for two actors. Mercedes Cambridge decides to take in a lodger, a thorough gentleman named George Potter.
George, for all his gentlemanly airs, is a go-getter of the first order but Mercedes had an agenda too. Mercedes recounts the story of his arrival and subsequent happenings but even she doesn't see the rebound finish. (1A)

PRE-STUFF
Comedy - 6 (1m, 5f)
Ages to suit
Penny Swift, a serial hobbyist residing with her mother Dora, wreaks havoc in the neighbourhood as she tries out dentistry, sculpting and hormone facials all from the comfort of her own home. As storm clouds gather she neatly ducks from under only to resurface to a barrage of lawsuits. Two major roles and four cameos. (1B)

SARINA
Comedy - 2 (1m, 1f)
1m (mature), 1f (15-17)
A stage-struck teenager arrives in the big smoke to seek the father she's never met. He's been a successful playwright but not anymore. In the process of reaching for the stars Sarina nearly wrecks a virtual reality TV show. A delightful, gentle comedy. (1A)

SECOND CHOICE
(see Dead Funny - 2A)

SECOND DATE
Comedy - 4 (2m, 2f)
It's that all important second date and Boyd's imaginary background is about to be blown sky-high when his ex-wife Jane bursts in on his second date with the slightly tipsy Tilda. After the ladies leave (together) the man calls on Boyd and wishes that he hadn't. (1B)

SINGLE MINDED
Comedy - 5 (3f, 2m)
A wedding reception centre is feeling the pinch, people just aren't getting hitched. A brilliant idea occurs - by night turn it into a singles bar and pick up business for the reception centre from any romances that blossom. But the proprietress loses her young toy-boy in the process and finds a past romance of her own. (has not been produced) (1B)

STUFF
Comedy - 4 (1m, 3f)
Penny Swift is at it again, this time practicing home taxidermy, firstly on a koala, then on the family dog (who was only asleep) and finally on Grandpa. When the hard of seeing Cousin Pearl arrives to take Grandpa for an outing things go frighteningly out of whack. (1B)

TENTH ANNIVERSARY
Comedy - 6 (3m, 3f)
2 couples (30-50), 1f (30-50 with style), 1m (20-30), a hunk)
Winner Best Comedy Script and Best Comedy, Best Director '99 DramaFest
Two couples, both with shaky marriages have arranged, one year before, to celebrate the tenth anniversary of the couple who has now decided to divorce. The others can't be contacted so the party takes place anyway and the truth doesn't come out at first. Add a saucy female neighbour and a male stripper acting as a waiter and you have mayhem and lots of fun. (1A)

TURN OF THE TOAD
Comedy - 4 (3m, 1f)
all parts over 40
When Clark Struthers is trapped into marriage and overnight goes from being his bride's "fuzzy bear" to being her "little toad", something's gotta give. On his honeymoon Clark, the little toad, meets up with old uni friend, newly married, Bab "Ratty" Williams and unmarried George Mole. How the three "hopeless with women" psychiatrists scheme to escape from two wives' clutches makes for a fast-moving comedy with a delightful sting in the tail. To stage Turn of the Toad you need a minimal set and props and some well-rehearsed timing. (1B)

YOU MUST MEET THE FOLKS
(see Dead Funny - 2A)

John Burls

John Burls Background

JOHN BURLS has been writer in residence at The Independent Theatre at Eumundi since its inception in 1994.

He is a former Sydney and Melbourne TV/radio personality and journalist.

He started his writing career in the days when radio was king and wrote and produced musicals-variety programmes and documentaries.

He later produced TV variety shows at ATN Channel 7, Sydney.

Over recent years he has worked as "an advertising man", media feature writer for newspapers and presently divides his time between writing for the stage, writing weekly theatre columns, reviewing for Stage Whispers magazine, 3 weekly radio theatre shows on FM104.9 (Sunshine Coast) and writing feature articles for The Australian Senior Newspaper.

His first professionally produced stage comedy was The Giant Lemon commissioned for the 1985 Gosford City Festival of the Waters.

More recently John has maintained a prodigious output with a large number of one-act plays which have won many drama festivals, including the Sunshine Coast Theatre Festival 3 years running.

As well, he has penned many full-length plays in both light comedy and black comedy categories.

Each year for The Indee he writes the Comedy and Consomme series of 3 funny plays, the end of year topical revue, a festival play (or two), and usually a full-length play.

John was one of 14 in Queensland chosen to participate in a Masterclass conducted by the Queensland Theatre Company. During this time he developed the play Parliamentary Privilege.